nothing matters

so i had a bad day

it felt like shit.

i felt alone.

you , were way to far .

i needed a real hug.

Someone to touch and smell.

the virtual hugging was not working for me.

i noticed my frustration growing provoking my anger-

" IT'S ALWAYS GONNA FEEL LIKE THIS!

In the moments i most need to feel connected, feel " a part off" , or just have a shoulder to lay My troubled head-there is NO ONE but myself...

And It makes me angry!"

So ,i put my favorite tv show on,yet i kept feeling bad.

i need to change something.

If i can't change this feeling,maybe i can change the situation?

so,i imagined you are no longer part of my world-

if you are not part of it, i can't feel like i miss any thing from you.

smart move i thought...

the chain of thinking changed the way i felt , suddenly there was freedom an old friend, i was back to my own self,but then emptiness started to snick in

and the feeling of emptiness is just,how can i describe this enemy...just so low....

"why bother living "-is the next thought jumping into my blonde head.

GO TO SLEEP,i order myself as i take a Nap.

as naps go,an hour later i was up

ate 12 cookies,with decaf coffe.

hoping for relase...but the feeling was still there.

yach.

"so i am having a bad day."

"so what?"

"do i have to give every happy thought up?"

i know, it's not the thoughts, it's the feelings that joins them

like this one-NOTHING MATTERS...

and with that one...i just can't, but can't fight.

so i took myself for a walk in the park, it was dark late and cold

but i had to challenge myself

it's humiliating to feel like nothing is worth living for.

cause i love living so much...

i guess it's just the way things feel from time to time

i have these days....

that NOTHING matters.

and i am willing to give up love

and i surrender to the emptiness

but i do fight-and reach out for my flashlight in the dark

waiting for a new day to clear the dust away....

Simple

it's simple.

what can i say? it's just better.

i wake up feeling happier

i go to sleep feeling optimistic,even on lonely rainy days

i just don't feel lonely.

it's simple.

maybe, it's like the spring.

i feel there's something growing inside me

And it sure does smell good.

it's simple. it's simple and natural.

Yet at the same time, it's exciting!

Like a rainbow in the sky - when the sun and rain meet

"Finally " they say while creating the colorful joy .

I feel it's simple,i don't worry.

Even when you are far away, i feel you close.

its like a heart beat ,that pumps and pumps

I listen

And enjoy the strength of the beat that comes with a sense of aliveness.

it's like a cup of water on a hot day,or a cupcake in Nyc

it's like you saying-just lay back and enjoy the ride,ill take you as far as we want to go

because it's simple.

and sacred like a temple in Bahli.

may our simple love grow and nourish us and others

may it keep you safe on your journey

and may you come back simply to love

Ready

i am ready for your love

i know i was far away from it so long

i am ready to be loved

i am ready to be one

i am willing to belief

i am here and that's enough

i am here with open arms

i know you won't leave me like this

i am giving you my heart

and sharing all my tunes

i ask nothing in return

but to let it shine with in

i am giving you my love

i am loving just to give

i am ready now for love

let it be my sticks and stones